Polkadots Tumblr Themes
home ask me submit archive Themes

Nothing life changing has to happen for me to retreat into the back of my mind. Lately it’s been every little thing. I spend most of my nights fighting anxiety attacks by drowning my mind in music or cutting the palms of my hands. I spend my days cleaning and busying myself so I can’t think about anything. It takes all of my power to keep myself composed, most days. Most days. Do you know what days I don’t feel so bad? The days I see you. Even the next day. I’m flooded with so much happiness and love, that those days aren’t as difficult for me. I don’t fight back the urge to burn myself or cut my skin. I don’t get anxious or have a panic attack. I feel whole again. And those moments I wouldn’t trade for anything. Because the moment I see you or hear your voice, my mind just stops racing. And it’s just you. The pain stops and every worry in the world ends. I feel a perfect calm, and I can’t even explain how you do it.
I could really use you tonight. Because I don’t think I can stop myself.

For a moment I thought things were calming down and getting better. I was so wrong. living-a-horrible-dream's depressive thoughts (August 19th, 2014)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 older »